How to Speak Romance Like Gen Z: Fifty-One Hyperspecific Terms for Love, Intimacy and Questionable Conduct

This year signifies a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a detailed guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular memes, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This signifies choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who choose against having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks indicating a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your decision to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {